Kilara (soul_in_dispair) wrote in got__issues,
Kilara
soul_in_dispair
got__issues

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The Problems with Life....

Hello. I'm new to this community, I kind of hope it will help me. If it doesn’t, oh well, I guess everything’s worth a shot…Right?

So, about me. My name is Kilara, and yes that’s my real name, pretty unique huh? I attend a college preparatory school that’s really advanced, so I guess you can say I’m pretty smart. I’m in eighth grade, fourteen, and taking an advanced math class with a bunch of freshmen. If you’re confused, my school goes from seventh to twelfth grade and there are only like thirty children per grade. My school is really small, I hate it. I like being in the hustle and bustle of big schools. I like being able to get lost in the crowd, staying out of everyone’s way so no one will notice me. But now, I can’t do that anymore. It kind of annoys me. And I somehow feel more insecure in such a small community of children. I feel like everyone can see right through me and know what thoughts go through my head. Like everyone can see my soul. I don’t like people knowing who I really am; I try to hide myself from the world. But anyway, that’s enough of school. All you need to know about my school is that it drives me insane.

I guess you can say I’m depressed, I’m never happy. I’ve umm…I’ve cut myself before. Twice, actually, and it made me feel a lot better. But now…I’m not so sure it was the smartest idea I’ve ever made because, well…It’s addicting. Every time I get upset now I’m always tempted to cut myself again.

So what leads to my depression? Obviously if I’ve never been able to tell anyone, I’m not about to tell a bunch of people online. But, I guess I can tell you that it probably all started with my family. It’s my dad, I hate him. I always have. It’s just, I’ve started thing him more and more and now everything he does to me and my mother send me deeper and deeper into this void that threatens to consume me. I don’t know, I guess I’m just easily angered, easily brought to tears, easily everything! But you know what, I don’t really care. I am who I am and nothing anyone has to say can do anything about it.

So anyway, that’s probably all I’m going to tell you. Feel free to analyze me, since that’s what you all do here. Let me know what you think. If it’s any good maybe I’ll talk to you guys again sometime. If not…? Oh well, I tried didn’t I?
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